Saying Goodbye To Instagram
I should have done this a long time ago.
Going through all my therapy sessions a couple of months ago, I ignored the fact that there was one constant in my life causing mixed internal turmoil:
I loved it. Yes, addicted to it. I would justify that it gave me inspiration, yet wouldn’t admit that it brought more negative thoughts about myself and how I look than happy, motivating thoughts to “live my life”. Last semester, a great friend of mine changed my password and didn’t let me in it for a while. I fought him on it, but deep down, was very thankful for his assertiveness/stubbornness. During that little break, I found how much time I was wasting on the app. He also helped me recognized (whether I wanted to admit or not) a lot of issues I was dealing with in my eating disorder was stemming for this little app.
(Colman, if you are reading this, I am forever thankful for our friendship.)
While I have been abroad, I have had many moments of self reflection. Riding the train, sitting in cafes, I’ve had endless opportunities to sit with myself, and start asking what was working for me, and what wasn’t. However, this week was particularly different. I wasn’t sad but felt very uncomfortable trying to navigate class and overwhelmed with feeling like I was missing out on so many exciting events. In this uncomfortableness, I found myself starting to count calories, obsess over my weight and feel the need to limit my eating. Luckily, I can recognize these habits now and know what I need to do to make sure that I stay healthy - both mentally and physically.
And so, all of this reflection brought me to the decision to take a step away from Instagram for a bit.
I have no timeline to when I will bring it back. I will miss sharing all of my photos on my stories, and there is no doubt I’ll go through withdrawal (HAHA that sounds terrible), but living abroad, I am starting to realize that if something is not serving me, it needs to be let go. I am still excited to share my adventures via this blog and write about whats on my heart :). And the best part about the blog - I feel no pressure to put up a certain look. (I literally write what I am thinking and post it. No more editing for a week). This doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to serve.
So au revoir Insta!
if you need to get in contact with me, you can message me through here (or text me if you have an iPhone/iMessage - I still have my number :)
i will still be updated vsco so make sure you check out that link here too :)